ALONE

Doomed to walk alone
In a land thwarted by sorrow
I gave up waiting for some sound from my phone
Waiting day after day, tomorrow after tomorrow

My wretched heart still lay in the muddy ground
I knew saying good bye to you was the right thing to do
It has been awhile since you have been around
The loneliness just made me sad and blue

I missed the day you broke my heart
Just because it was the last time I saw you
It's funny how such a moment could tear the soul apart
Yet all I could do was smile from just seeing you

I never heard the words you said
My eyes were lost in yours
Filled with love I was not scared
Even after you closed the doors

It’s been awhile since we last spoke
I never looked for a new love
I never had the will since my heart broke
I never prayed for help from above
Each day I feel more abandoned more lost
And all for no.... no cost

You know when you lonely

You know when you lonely when you sing a duet
But you sing alone
You know when you lonely when you walk down a busy crowded street
And yet you feel invisible.
You know when you lonely when you ring your own phone
Just to hear it ring
You know when you lonely when you eat alone
Even when you order it’s dinner for one.
You know when you lonely when you wait for hours for
Your phone to ring and it never does.

You know when you lonely when you watch a movie
And there is no one to share your popcorn with.
You know when you lonely when you would rather spend your birthday sleeping
than blow out your candles alone.
You know when you lonely when you spend Christmas watching TV
Or New Years just reading a book.
You know when you lonely when you take long walks on the beach
In silence and no one to share the moment
You know when you lonely when no one calls to say hi
Or drops in for a chat.

You know when you lonely when you dance alone
When your favourite song plays on the radio.
You know when you lonely when no one calls you a friend
Yet you have so much to offer,
You know when you lonely when your best friend is someone
Out there that you haven’t yet met.
You know when you lonely when the silence becomes to loud
You don’t even talk no more
You know when you lonely when you cry and no one wipes your tears away
No one is there to comfort you.

You know when you lonely when you sad and blue and there
Is no one to make you smile.
You know when you lonely when you jump off the train
And no one is there to meet you.
You know when you lonely when you have a joke to share
And no one to laugh with.
You know when you lonely when you fall and no one is there
To pick you up or dust your back.
You know when you lonely when you going away
And no comes to say good bye
You know when you lonely when you die
And no one comes to you funeral. . . . .

Is it My Turn

Is it my turn to hold your hand
Is it my turn to listen and understand
Is it my turn to watch you sleep
Is it my turn for all your memories to keep
Is it my turn to wash your hair
Is it my turn to hold you and see you standing there
Is it my turn to make you smile
Even if it’s for a little while

Is it my turn to be there when you down
Is it my turn to turn around your frown
Is it my turn to be there when you blue
Because anything for you I would do

Is it my turn to wipe your tears when you cry
Wipe your eyes till they dry
Is it my turn to help you when you sick and unwell
Keep you warm when you cold, cool when you hot as hell
Is it my turn to pick you up when you fall
To sit and wait till you call
Is it my turn to watch you dance
Oh yes I would love the chance

Is it my turn to paint you a picture
A replica of an angelic creature
Is it my turn to lie with you under the sky
Hold you close as we watch the clouds go by
Is it my turn to walk you home at night
Or watch you walk away till you out of sight
Is it my turn to carry you when you too weak to walk
Is it my turn to listen to your words when you talk
Is it my turn to stand with you in the rain
Or comfort you when you in pain

Is it my turn to hear you sing
My patience awaits for the wonders you bring
Is it my turn to bring you a rose
But alas only you and time knows….

A moment

The April wind picked up for a second
And fluster through her long soft wavy hair
Her eyes seemed to touch my soul
I was still yet I was moved
I closed my eyes but I was still captivated by her looks
It’s as though she was painted inside my head
My Mona Lisa, my Rembrandt, my Picasso.

The sun constantly hugged by white fluffy clouds
Cast shadows all around, except where she stood,
Kind of a reverse solar eclipse
I looked around many people had stopped, I wouldn’t say to stare
But her radiance drew glances from people passing by
I saw her differently though
Maybe it’s because she allowed me near

Even time for a moment held its breath
As her unhurried steps turned towards me
I looked at the falling leaves that hung in the air in suspense
There was no wind yet each step her hair danced the Paso Doble
Around her shoulders
And still those eyes cast an entrapment glance at me
My heart stopped beating
I could feel her eyes reach into my heart and gently squeeze life
Back into me

She opened her mouth to speak
And a silence fell all around
A hush filled the air, birds stopped singing, the barking dog was silent,
My thoughts were just a whisper
The streaking sunlight rays even seemed to tiptoe around
As not wanting to disturb the moment
I am not sure what she said because all I heard was music
But it’s a moment that you had to be there to witness, a spectacle
There are not enough words to explain.
But that day all the questions to life were answered
And many lost souls found peace………. And so did I

Can I?

With these hands can I heal?
With these hands what do I really feel?
I may just be a massage therapist or am I
The delicate touch sometimes soft sometimes strong
I want to do more maybe through my touch I can
Can I make the cripple walk?
Can I make the dumb talk?
Can I make the blind see?
Can I make the trapped free
Maybe through my touch I can

But is my heart pure – pure enough to believe
Is my mind true and my soul free
Can I accept the things I can or cannot do
Do I have the strength to accept it?
Am I willing to accept it if I cannot
At what stage do I finally believe?
And will you believe
If my mind and soul become one
……………….maybe, just maybe then I can feel
Maybe then my touch can heal.

Dressed in Black

Today I’m in mourning
Mourning the death of my life
I buried my heart this afternoon, in a small quiet ceremony
Under the slow setting sun
Ironic that the setting sun would bring on the constant darkness
Wandering with the ghostly shadows, I feel I am home
The twisted souls, those lost between Heaven & Hell
Those, those are my comforters
The path of the lonely is my sad journey
It’s hard when only the dead are my companions
I only heard the myths never believed it was true
But now I see the ugliness and feel lower than death.

Dressed in black symbolizes the colour of the dark place
Where my heart once resided
Who am I? What have I become? What controls me?
Is this what the aftermath, the ugly side looks like
I look through eyes where there is no colour
Dark shades and rain surround me
I am now one of the shadows
When the light goes out, all hope and everything else goes too
The noises in my head get louder and louder
Feels like my head is going to explode
Then is all stops
It becomes quiet this void should be filled with my heart beats
But that is silent and gone
The silence gets louder and becomes unbearable

I start screaming inside just to break the horrible silence
But this becomes tiring, leaving me breathless
I need to end this get away from the darkness but
. . . . . . . But I cannot.
And I’m still dressed in black
I don’t know if its night or day anymore
But today I find myself lost, I think how can I be lost when I’m already lost
And yet it’s an even more unfamiliar place
I notice an unsightly darker image approach
And suddenly feel this sharp piercing blade
Tear into my chest ripping through organs and stopping against my spine

I stood there blood dripping from my chest
I could even hear the drops splatter to the floor
I think for the first time I smiled
It’s over finally, ah yes death becomes me
I can rest now the pain will end
I slowly fall to the ground
And laid there drowning in my own blood
Yes it’s over
But what seemed like eternity, still was dark and cold
My smile faded away….. No .. It was more like ripped from my face
When I realized you cannot die if you are lower than death
I stood up the blood was dry my wound was closed
I couldn’t feel the pain, nothing was worse than the pain I already felt
I guess this is my destiny to wander lost amongst the dark and dead
Alone and just a shadow and still
. . . Still Dressed in black!

My Thoughts

I have been thinking, Is there a God out there? Don't get me wrong I believe in God but recently I have been asking my self questions " Is there a God, or Has God turn his back on us", could we be that bad that he has turned his back on most of us. As a young boy in boarding school I did not study my only source for reading was the Holy Bible for two years I read it back to back and unfortunately being young I guess I didn't understand much of what I read but I believed there was a God, yet I have still had many questions. Then I woke this morning I intended on writing in my blog why I questioned if there is a God, here are some of my thoughts,

1. I questioned the existence of dinosaurs, they did once walk the earth we have fossils and proof but in my thoughts where was Adam and Eve?
2. I questioned with pain in my heart how some babies are born blind, or deaf or unable to walk and some with other disabilities, why so cruel to such innocence.?
3. I questioned how I could suffer with so many problems for more than a year and then when I thought the New Year would be better it gets worse.

So hence my thoughts on if God existed, I took out my bible this morning, to look for answers and I only came up with the answer to question one, and that was Genesis 1 verse 20 to 23 that was the 5TH day and back then a day according to science could have been a few million years, so i guess dinosaurs walked the earth way before Adam was created, and when you look at Genesis 1 verse 24 a new type of living creature was created on the beginning of the 6TH day and Adam was created later on in the day, So I say ok that answers my first question. On question two I could not find anything nor could I on question three. So maybe God is there but has just turned his back on me. Well my quest continues maybe one day I will find out the truth maybe.

Angels in The Snow

I stood at the end of the street waiting for you
A nice warm summer morning
White fluffy clouds sauntered across the blue
I had been there awhile the earliness caused my yawning
I saw you rushing down the street
Your flailing skirt danced the tango with you
Again you looked lovely and so sweet
An idle wind seemed to notice you too
A sudden breeze twirled through your hair
I smiled as you waved the hair from your face.
Today you smelled of lavender I turned away so as not to stare
I have known you for awhile but each time you make my heart race

Today we did not speak I knew you knew what I would say
It happened before, we relived this moment I know
I remembered back one winter day
The time we made angels, angels in the snow
I’m not sure what enchanted me most your smile
Or maybe the look in your eyes
Hmmm I stopped short and wondered for awhile
My thoughts interrupted by your short cries
I wish it would rain
Don’t get me wrong I love that summer is in the air
But I wanted to dance with you, dance in the rain
Dance like we don’t have a care!

Our moment today was short
But as usual you always leave me with a lasting impression
Sometimes an idea sometimes just a thought
Today you had this sweet and bubbly expression
Again I watched as you skipped away,
Gently floating like a dandelion in the breeze
Blowing this way and that way.
Your movements captivating with ease
Our moments spent together don’t last long
Time with you just races by
I watch you and then you’re gone!
I turn to walk away and sigh
Just another memory created
A smile, a touch, a warmth, a high
A perfect picture painted . . !