Old Friends for Sale

ALONE

2008-01-12T17:44:00.000-05:00

Doomed to walk alone
In a land thwarted by sorrow
I gave up waiting for some sound from my phone
Waiting day after day, tomorrow after tomorrow

My wretched heart still lay in the muddy ground
I knew saying good bye to you was the right thing to do
It has been awhile since you have been around
The loneliness just made me sad and blue

I missed the day you broke my heart
Just because it was the last time I saw you
It's funny how such a moment could tear the soul apart
Yet all I could do was smile from just seeing you

I never heard the words you said
My eyes were lost in yours
Filled with love I was not scared
Even after you closed the doors

It’s been awhile since we last spoke
I never looked for a new love
I never had the will since my heart broke
I never prayed for help from above
Each day I feel more abandoned more lost
And all for no.... no cost

You know when you lonely

2007-05-27T20:58:00.000-04:00

You know when you lonely when you sing a duet
But you sing alone
You know when you lonely when you walk down a busy crowded street
And yet you feel invisible.
You know when you lonely when you ring your own phone
Just to hear it ring
You know when you lonely when you eat alone
Even when you order it’s dinner for one.
You know when you lonely when you wait for hours for
Your phone to ring and it never does.

You know when you lonely when you watch a movie
And there is no one to share your popcorn with.
You know when you lonely when you would rather spend your birthday sleeping
than blow out your candles alone.
You know when you lonely when you spend Christmas watching TV
Or New Years just reading a book.
You know when you lonely when you take long walks on the beach
In silence and no one to share the moment
You know when you lonely when no one calls to say hi
Or drops in for a chat.

You know when you lonely when you dance alone
When your favourite song plays on the radio.
You know when you lonely when no one calls you a friend
Yet you have so much to offer,
You know when you lonely when your best friend is someone
Out there that you haven’t yet met.
You know when you lonely when the silence becomes to loud
You don’t even talk no more
You know when you lonely when you cry and no one wipes your tears away
No one is there to comfort you.

You know when you lonely when you sad and blue and there
Is no one to make you smile.
You know when you lonely when you jump off the train
And no one is there to meet you.
You know when you lonely when you have a joke to share
And no one to laugh with.
You know when you lonely when you fall and no one is there
To pick you up or dust your back.
You know when you lonely when you going away
And no comes to say good bye
You know when you lonely when you die
And no one comes to you funeral. . . . .

Is it My Turn

2007-03-29T17:07:00.000-04:00

Is it my turn to hold your hand
Is it my turn to listen and understand
Is it my turn to watch you sleep
Is it my turn for all your memories to keep
Is it my turn to wash your hair
Is it my turn to hold you and see you standing there
Is it my turn to make you smile
Even if it’s for a little while

Is it my turn to be there when you down
Is it my turn to turn around your frown
Is it my turn to be there when you blue
Because anything for you I would do

Is it my turn to wipe your tears when you cry
Wipe your eyes till they dry
Is it my turn to help you when you sick and unwell
Keep you warm when you cold, cool when you hot as hell
Is it my turn to pick you up when you fall
To sit and wait till you call
Is it my turn to watch you dance
Oh yes I would love the chance

Is it my turn to paint you a picture
A replica of an angelic creature
Is it my turn to lie with you under the sky
Hold you close as we watch the clouds go by
Is it my turn to walk you home at night
Or watch you walk away till you out of sight
Is it my turn to carry you when you too weak to walk
Is it my turn to listen to your words when you talk
Is it my turn to stand with you in the rain
Or comfort you when you in pain

Is it my turn to hear you sing
My patience awaits for the wonders you bring
Is it my turn to bring you a rose
But alas only you and time knows….

A moment

2007-03-03T13:30:00.000-05:00

The April wind picked up for a second
And fluster through her long soft wavy hair
Her eyes seemed to touch my soul
I was still yet I was moved
I closed my eyes but I was still captivated by her looks
It’s as though she was painted inside my head
My Mona Lisa, my Rembrandt, my Picasso.

The sun constantly hugged by white fluffy clouds
Cast shadows all around, except where she stood,
Kind of a reverse solar eclipse
I looked around many people had stopped, I wouldn’t say to stare
But her radiance drew glances from people passing by
I saw her differently though
Maybe it’s because she allowed me near

Even time for a moment held its breath
As her unhurried steps turned towards me
I looked at the falling leaves that hung in the air in suspense
There was no wind yet each step her hair danced the Paso Doble
Around her shoulders
And still those eyes cast an entrapment glance at me
My heart stopped beating
I could feel her eyes reach into my heart and gently squeeze life
Back into me

She opened her mouth to speak
And a silence fell all around
A hush filled the air, birds stopped singing, the barking dog was silent,
My thoughts were just a whisper
The streaking sunlight rays even seemed to tiptoe around
As not wanting to disturb the moment
I am not sure what she said because all I heard was music
But it’s a moment that you had to be there to witness, a spectacle
There are not enough words to explain.
But that day all the questions to life were answered
And many lost souls found peace………. And so did I

Can I?

2007-03-03T13:28:00.000-05:00

With these hands can I heal?
With these hands what do I really feel?
I may just be a massage therapist or am I
The delicate touch sometimes soft sometimes strong
I want to do more maybe through my touch I can
Can I make the cripple walk?
Can I make the dumb talk?
Can I make the blind see?
Can I make the trapped free
Maybe through my touch I can

But is my heart pure – pure enough to believe
Is my mind true and my soul free
Can I accept the things I can or cannot do
Do I have the strength to accept it?
Am I willing to accept it if I cannot
At what stage do I finally believe?
And will you believe
If my mind and soul become one
……………….maybe, just maybe then I can feel
Maybe then my touch can heal.

Dressed in Black

2007-01-17T21:06:00.000-05:00

Today I’m in mourning
Mourning the death of my life
I buried my heart this afternoon, in a small quiet ceremony
Under the slow setting sun
Ironic that the setting sun would bring on the constant darkness
Wandering with the ghostly shadows, I feel I am home
The twisted souls, those lost between Heaven & Hell
Those, those are my comforters
The path of the lonely is my sad journey
It’s hard when only the dead are my companions
I only heard the myths never believed it was true
But now I see the ugliness and feel lower than death.

Dressed in black symbolizes the colour of the dark place
Where my heart once resided
Who am I? What have I become? What controls me?
Is this what the aftermath, the ugly side looks like
I look through eyes where there is no colour
Dark shades and rain surround me
I am now one of the shadows
When the light goes out, all hope and everything else goes too
The noises in my head get louder and louder
Feels like my head is going to explode
Then is all stops
It becomes quiet this void should be filled with my heart beats
But that is silent and gone
The silence gets louder and becomes unbearable

I start screaming inside just to break the horrible silence
But this becomes tiring, leaving me breathless
I need to end this get away from the darkness but
. . . . . . . But I cannot.
And I’m still dressed in black
I don’t know if its night or day anymore
But today I find myself lost, I think how can I be lost when I’m already lost
And yet it’s an even more unfamiliar place
I notice an unsightly darker image approach
And suddenly feel this sharp piercing blade
Tear into my chest ripping through organs and stopping against my spine

I stood there blood dripping from my chest
I could even hear the drops splatter to the floor
I think for the first time I smiled
It’s over finally, ah yes death becomes me
I can rest now the pain will end
I slowly fall to the ground
And laid there drowning in my own blood
Yes it’s over
But what seemed like eternity, still was dark and cold
My smile faded away….. No .. It was more like ripped from my face
When I realized you cannot die if you are lower than death
I stood up the blood was dry my wound was closed
I couldn’t feel the pain, nothing was worse than the pain I already felt
I guess this is my destiny to wander lost amongst the dark and dead
Alone and just a shadow and still
. . . Still Dressed in black!

My Thoughts

2007-01-04T14:13:00.000-05:00

I have been thinking, Is there a God out there? Don't get me wrong I believe in God but recently I have been asking my self questions " Is there a God, or Has God turn his back on us", could we be that bad that he has turned his back on most of us. As a young boy in boarding school I did not study my only source for reading was the Holy Bible for two years I read it back to back and unfortunately being young I guess I didn't understand much of what I read but I believed there was a God, yet I have still had many questions. Then I woke this morning I intended on writing in my blog why I questioned if there is a God, here are some of my thoughts,

1. I questioned the existence of dinosaurs, they did once walk the earth we have fossils and proof but in my thoughts where was Adam and Eve?
2. I questioned with pain in my heart how some babies are born blind, or deaf or unable to walk and some with other disabilities, why so cruel to such innocence.?
3. I questioned how I could suffer with so many problems for more than a year and then when I thought the New Year would be better it gets worse.

So hence my thoughts on if God existed, I took out my bible this morning, to look for answers and I only came up with the answer to question one, and that was Genesis 1 verse 20 to 23 that was the 5TH day and back then a day according to science could have been a few million years, so i guess dinosaurs walked the earth way before Adam was created, and when you look at Genesis 1 verse 24 a new type of living creature was created on the beginning of the 6TH day and Adam was created later on in the day, So I say ok that answers my first question. On question two I could not find anything nor could I on question three. So maybe God is there but has just turned his back on me. Well my quest continues maybe one day I will find out the truth maybe.

Angels in The Snow

2006-07-26T16:07:00.000-04:00

I stood at the end of the street waiting for you
A nice warm summer morning
White fluffy clouds sauntered across the blue
I had been there awhile the earliness caused my yawning
I saw you rushing down the street
Your flailing skirt danced the tango with you
Again you looked lovely and so sweet
An idle wind seemed to notice you too
A sudden breeze twirled through your hair
I smiled as you waved the hair from your face.
Today you smelled of lavender I turned away so as not to stare
I have known you for awhile but each time you make my heart race

Today we did not speak I knew you knew what I would say
It happened before, we relived this moment I know
I remembered back one winter day
The time we made angels, angels in the snow
I’m not sure what enchanted me most your smile
Or maybe the look in your eyes
Hmmm I stopped short and wondered for awhile
My thoughts interrupted by your short cries
I wish it would rain
Don’t get me wrong I love that summer is in the air
But I wanted to dance with you, dance in the rain
Dance like we don’t have a care!

Our moment today was short
But as usual you always leave me with a lasting impression
Sometimes an idea sometimes just a thought
Today you had this sweet and bubbly expression
Again I watched as you skipped away,
Gently floating like a dandelion in the breeze
Blowing this way and that way.
Your movements captivating with ease
Our moments spent together don’t last long
Time with you just races by
I watch you and then you’re gone!
I turn to walk away and sigh
Just another memory created
A smile, a touch, a warmth, a high
A perfect picture painted . . !

Sometimes

2006-05-10T16:55:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I like to wander the street
Greeting and nodding at people I meet
Sometimes I like to sit in the park
Contemplating life till it gets dark
Sometimes I like to walk in the rain
Letting the pitter patter wash away my pain
Sometimes I like the night
Meandering my way guided by the moonlight
Sometimes I like the sun
Something about the bright light that brings fun
Sometime I like the snow
The cool fluffiness, yes it is cold I know
Sometimes I like the sea
Especially when it’s warm that’s where I want to be
Sometimes I like the freedom of the sky
It makes me feel like I am floating, up, up, so high
Sometimes I like the cool breeze
There’s something about the wind the way it moves with ease
Sometimes I like to be alone
The quietness and emptiness my resonance zone
Sometimes
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes just sometimes

Insomnia

2006-03-30T18:00:00.000-05:00

A cry in the distance stirs my restless self
Sounds like a baby crying all by its self
Footsteps outside the window someone returning home for the night
My eyes are closed but full of sight
The crying continues but the sounds are low
Night turns to day so, so very slow

The morning sun breaks the silence of dawn
From deep sleep I wake with a yawn
But deep sleep which only now did I get
My only solitude which I now regret
Tired from my trials of life I wake
My listless body fights the urge of the movements I make
Last night again sleep was not my friend
It seems my troubles simply wont end
Another simple task I cannot accomplish
Just to sleep for an hour I wish
So many nights the stars I would count
My thoughts from days gone would mount
Life stealing back what little moments its gives
It takes back more than what it leaves

Another day plunders by
The clouds dance upon their stage in the sky
A cool breeze kisses my face
As I sit on a hill staring into space
And I’m thinking of absolutely nothing
I know I should be thinking of something
I shudder at the thought of the setting sun
Another day ended another night begun

Finally to my bed I head
Another long night which I totally dread
I lie there waiting to sleep
Tonight is all silent not even a peep
Finally my eyes tire and slowly close
At last sleep kisses me on my head it’s me it chose
Deep into sleep I lumber
My body craving this welcome slumber
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . A cry in the distance

2006-03-16T15:09:00.000-05:00

Question marks constantly arrest my persona
Ironica creates them for me whatever is whenever
I’m drifting in and out of reality
My vehicle is a cloud amassed with confusion, love, hate, passion, intrigue,
Truth, freedom, life and death.
My current movement resembles that of electric blue
Its often tranquil but it makes me bleed
In the quest to be come colourless I exhort my eyes with the most profound trust
It then masters that deception
Once more my feelings has succeeded in confusing me
But what’s most amazing is I like the way it looks
It’s startling but its beautiful
I still drift in a sea of compulsion
Whether I am dead or not I have no idea

2006-03-16T15:07:00.000-05:00

Suddenly the sky turn a dull gray and the storm clouds rush in
The sun that once shone brightly cannot be seen
But wait the sun fight back
But soon the storm wins and it all goes black
I find myself back on the edge of madness
Death has stab my happiness
My mind now hollow of thought
A tragic experience my heart once fought
All has gone quiet inside
The fear has risen the fear I once tried to hide

Even the tiny voices have gone
Even the little bird that sang a graceful song,
Poor thing its life just instantly taken
Oh why am I forsaken?
Why is my path blocked again?
Oh know its back no please not the pain
Oh how helpless my heart does beat
I am beat I now feel the defeat
I look around me for the footprints in the sand
Mine lead me to the sea the other set away to the land

Now the cold rain does pound
My footprints are washed away from the ground
Now I am lost not sure which way I have been
Not sure which way to go I lost the road I had once seen
The cold wind bellows its piercing cold into me
The rains cloud my eyes so I cannot see
I try to hold back the tears
But still my trembling body fears
The cold dives deep into my body straight for my heart
The piercing pain splitting it apart

The silence now over comes me
Its mimicking movements confusing me
Never has the silence sounded so sad
Never has it been this bad
I feel my chest for that familiar sound
But no my heart does no more pound
But wait it beats one more time weak and faint like a blade of grass
Then its silent and then…..it shatters like glass
I can feel the pain spread throughout
Oh how the silence now does shout
I look back it’s where I have been
Its my future, its my present it the pain I have seen
I guess its my road my calling my destiny
Loneliness, sadness, pain, fear then death that’s life’s plan for me….

2006-03-16T15:02:00.000-05:00

your words are so deep so comforting so warm
so are they that
they make me sad
yet they make me smile
they make me shine
they settle the pain
they settle the hurt
they settle loneliness
they settle the shame
they give sight to my blindness
and hearing to my deafness
such are you words
that i would be lost without them.
So my dear friend fear me not
trust in me
believe in me and i free i will set you
your fears i shall vanquish
and proudly like the sun i will shine
and chase away you shadows
for your strength in me will
I will use to protect you....

2006-03-09T13:08:00.000-05:00

Ahh my friend there you are where have you been?
Why have our paths not met, you I have not seen
How many days have you wandered by?
And still not seen by my eye
Oh my pretty friend
How sadness you bring to an end
Many young men wish to see you soon
Journeys for your heart they will travel from the sun to the moon
I myself am on my way for your hand to fight
For with my sword I shall deal out my plight

Cause to the victor your hand shall I wait
And should any man in my way be, death shall be his fate
My sword is sharp and just
Strike any man down to the dust
Oh but how fair are thou perfect I say
Thy beauty grows stronger by the day
Be aware whose hand you take
Cause thy heart is a great prize to stake
Thy man should be strong and brave
Cause I will do battle and home will be his grave

Ahh my friend give me thy hand
Come away and be queen of my land
Oh my fair one let us make haste
Time without you has been a waste
Climb aboard my gallant steed
Lets head for the hill with great speed
Oh be brave
For your heart I am here to save
The journey is long but the reward is great
Cause over the hills your castle await

Ahh my fair one when time meets us there
I pray that day my child you will bare
So they may be as fair as thee
And oh how happy we will be
But everyday by our door I will stand
Striking down any man in search of your hand
Their blood by our door will flow
I will stand strong and deliver my deathly blow
I will fight till we free and when we grow old
Every day by my side you will be and your hand I shall forever hold.

2006-03-09T13:06:00.000-05:00

Oh where art thou where art thou
Why is it that thou I do not see
Tis has been many a day that our eyes have not met
Our hands have not touched
And thy lips mine have not kissed
Come forth show thou self
For it has been too long since we been together
Oh how my heart does ache
And seeing you I did take for granted
Humble me with thy presence
For my heart does bleed with sorrow

Oh where art thou where art thou
Oh how my ears long to hear thy sweet words
So many days have past and so much silence
Why does time move so slow when we are apart
But so quickly when we are together
Oh how much thy I adore
Even more when you are far from my eyes
I am like a child ripped from thy mother’s womb
An innocence stolen from natural love
Oh why have I been forsaken?
Does my lord not hear my cries?

Oh Where art thou where art thou
Still many days have come and gone
And still I am without thou
Oh how I long to feel thou skin against mine
And to run my hand through thou hair
Oh where art thou for my soul is lost without thou
Tis like I have died and death has past me
Now I am left to wander this evil place
Alone without thou yes alone

Oh where art thou where art thou
Why won’t thou come to me?
Have I wronged thou so much
That thou has abandoned me
Oh how I long to smell thou so fresh like the daisies
And to look upon thy beauty
If I cannot see thou then my eyes are of no use
And should be scratched from my head
And my hands lanced if I cannot hold thee one more time
And I shall hold my breath until thou I see
Oh where art thou where art thou……………….

2006-03-09T13:03:00.000-05:00

I’m standing on the edge of insanity
Behind me lies Confusion
Left of me reality
But right of me I see where all good, bad, dark, light meet in one fusion
A never, never world controlled by a Power called Life
God promised me one day he would make you my wife
But I guess he promised you something else first
My love for you is like a thirst
A thirst I cannot quench or satiate
I have traveled this far I don’t know how you will retaliate
But how can I relinquish you
All I know or all I can do is love you

I look to my left and behind the reality lies nothing
Cause without you there is nothing
To my right I see a dark place
Dark because you were the light
A cold place
Cold because you were the warm glow now you gone from sight

Dark turns to light
Night to day
Confusion spreads to what seems like forever
Winds blow and choices are made
Realization is entangled with reality
Conformity becomes unorthodox
The sun shines again but without warmth
Temptation is merely a mirage of calamity

Changes produce false deceptions
Deceptions between truth and lies
Freedom is life’s illusions
Illusions are life’s way of hiding the truth
How can we be free if we are prisoners?
Prisoners for life, prisoners for death
Is death the end?
Or is death the beginning of the end
Loneliness is the minds ways of escaping pain
Pain is an experience of an experience
Experience is a memory gone wrong
If we are wrong can we ever be right
Is tranquility really tranquil?

Do people change or do they fake change
Is change necessary?
Or is it necessary to change
Do we manipulate each other?
Or are we easily influenced
This then asks the question is there love
What is love?
Is love a sign of our weakness
Is weakness our sixth sense of well being,
Or are we pieces of a twisted puzzle
Is fate then really fate or just a transitional phase?
Switching between right and left

Am I drawn to pain?
A simple question I ask
From all these abnormalities how do I remain sane?
How tough is life that I should bear such a cruel task
Time and time again I have had to fall
And time and time again life trampled over me
But deep, deep in me I heard my spirit call
Telling me to get up be strong be free
But now that voice is gone, gone away
All is quiet even the trees don’t sway

I am back at my crossroads with nothing, nothing to live for
So I dive over the edge without a care
My flightless body slowly, slowly falling to my death
Cause death in evitable is our only direction
Our path which life leads us from young to old
The only place where we can cheat time
And our weakened destabilized souls can finally rest
Rest before our next journey or till we beginThis twisted thing called LIFE………